Examples of BPD Behavior
Common examples of borderline personality disorder (BPD) behaviour, what drives them, why they happen, and how BPD is treated.
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Ponlawat Pitsuwan, Physician and Addiction Medicine Specialist, Phuket Island Rehab.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterised by intense and unstable emotions, an unstable sense of self, and difficulties in relationships, often driven by a deep fear of abandonment. Common examples of BPD behaviour include: intense and rapidly shifting emotions and mood swings; frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as clinging to people or reacting strongly to perceived rejection; unstable, intense relationships that swing between idealising someone (seeing them as perfect) and devaluing them (seeing them as bad), sometimes called splitting or black-and-white thinking; impulsive and sometimes risky behaviours (such as reckless spending, substance use, unsafe sex, or binge eating); self-harm and suicidal thoughts or behaviours; a persistently unstable self-image; chronic feelings of emptiness; intense, hard-to-control anger; and, at times of stress, feeling disconnected from reality or from oneself. These behaviours are not manipulative or attention-seeking by choice; they are expressions of genuine emotional pain and difficulty regulating overwhelming feelings, often rooted in past experiences. BPD is treatable, particularly with specialised psychotherapies such as dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), and many people improve significantly. If you or someone you know may have BPD, help is available and recovery is possible.
Understanding BPD behaviour
Borderline personality disorder (BPD), sometimes called emotionally unstable personality disorder, is a mental health condition characterised by intense and unstable emotions, an unstable sense of self, impulsivity, and difficulties in relationships, often underpinned by a deep fear of abandonment and a painful sense of emotional pain. People with BPD often feel emotions much more intensely than others and find them harder to manage, and this can show itself in a range of behaviours. Looking at examples of BPD behaviour can help people understand the condition, whether they recognise it in themselves or are trying to understand a loved one. It is important, though, to approach these behaviours with compassion: they are not chosen bad behaviour, manipulation, or attention-seeking, but expressions of real and often overwhelming emotional distress and of difficulty regulating powerful feelings, frequently rooted in past experiences such as trauma.
This article gives common examples of BPD behaviour, explains what drives them and why they happen, and outlines how BPD is treated. The central message is that the behaviours associated with BPD, however challenging or confusing they may appear, make sense as responses to intense emotions, a fragile sense of self, and a deep fear of abandonment, and that they reflect genuine suffering rather than a wish to hurt or manipulate others. It is also important to know that BPD is a treatable condition, and that with the right help, particularly specialised psychotherapy, many people experience significant improvement and go on to lead fulfilling lives. Understanding examples of BPD behaviour can reduce stigma and misunderstanding, help people recognise when support is needed, and encourage those affected, or their loved ones, to seek help, in the knowledge that recovery is genuinely possible.
Common examples of BPD behaviour
Several kinds of behaviour are commonly seen in BPD. One is intense and rapidly shifting emotions and mood swings: a person may experience powerful feelings that change quickly, sometimes within hours, moving between, for example, happiness, despair, anxiety, and anger, often in response to events in their relationships. Another is frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment: because fear of abandonment is often central, a person may cling to others, become very distressed at signs of rejection or separation (even minor ones, like a delayed reply), or go to great lengths to keep people close. A further example is unstable and intense relationships that swing between idealisation and devaluation: a person may see someone as wonderful and perfect one moment and then, after a perceived slight or rejection, as bad or hurtful, a pattern sometimes called splitting or black-and-white thinking. These relationship patterns can be intense and turbulent, and painful for everyone involved.
Other common examples include impulsive and sometimes risky behaviours, such as reckless spending, substance use, unsafe sex, reckless driving, or binge eating, often as a way of coping with or escaping intense feelings; self-harm (such as cutting) and suicidal thoughts or behaviours, which are unfortunately common in BPD and are serious expressions of distress that must always be taken seriously; a persistently unstable self-image or sense of identity, so that a person may feel unsure of who they are, and their goals, values, or sense of self may shift; chronic feelings of emptiness, a persistent sense of feeling empty or hollow inside; intense, inappropriate, or hard-to-control anger, such as frequent outbursts or difficulty managing anger; and, at times of stress, transient feelings of being disconnected from reality or from oneself (dissociation) or brief episodes of intense suspicion or unusual experiences. Not everyone with BPD shows all of these, and their intensity varies, but these are the characteristic examples. Understanding that each of these behaviours is an expression of underlying emotional pain and difficulty, rather than a character flaw, is key to responding with compassion.
| Example behaviour | What it involves |
|---|---|
| Emotional instability | Intense, rapidly shifting emotions and mood swings |
| Fear of abandonment | Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined rejection |
| Unstable relationships | Swinging between idealising and devaluing (splitting) |
| Impulsivity | Risky spending, substance use, unsafe behaviours |
| Self-harm / suicidality | Self-harm and suicidal thoughts or behaviours (serious) |
| Other | Unstable self-image, emptiness, intense anger, dissociation |
What drives BPD behaviour and why it happens
The behaviours seen in BPD, though varied, make sense when understood in terms of the underlying difficulties of the condition. At the core of BPD are intense, poorly regulated emotions: people with BPD tend to feel emotions more strongly, reach emotional peaks more quickly, and take longer to return to a calm baseline than others, so that everyday events can provoke overwhelming feelings. Much of BPD behaviour is an attempt to cope with, express, or escape these overwhelming emotions; impulsive behaviours, self-harm, and substance use, for instance, can be desperate ways of trying to relieve unbearable emotional pain, even though they cause harm. A deep fear of abandonment and a fragile, unstable sense of self also drive much of the behaviour: the frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, the intense and swinging relationships, and the sensitivity to rejection all stem from these vulnerabilities. Splitting, or black-and-white thinking, reflects difficulty holding together mixed or ambivalent feelings about people, so that others are seen as all good or all bad.
As for why BPD develops, its causes are not fully understood but are thought to involve a combination of genetic, biological, and environmental factors. Many people with BPD have experienced trauma, abuse, neglect, or unstable, invalidating environments in childhood, and such experiences are thought to contribute to the difficulties with emotions, self-image, and relationships, though not everyone with BPD has such a history, and the condition arises from an interaction of vulnerability and experience. It is essential to understand that BPD behaviour is not manipulative, attention-seeking, or deliberately difficult by choice, a harmful and stigmatising misconception; rather, it reflects genuine suffering and a struggle to cope with intense emotions and deep fears. People with BPD are often in great pain, and behaviours like self-harm or reacting strongly to perceived abandonment are expressions of that pain and of a desperate attempt to cope, not attempts to manipulate. Understanding what drives BPD behaviour, and why the condition develops, fosters compassion and points towards effective, understanding treatment rather than blame.
How BPD is treated and getting help
The most important and hopeful message about BPD is that it is treatable, and that with the right help many people improve significantly, with their symptoms and difficult behaviours lessening over time, and go on to lead fulfilling lives. The main treatment for BPD is psychotherapy, and several specialised therapies have been developed specifically for it. Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) is one of the best-known and most effective, helping people learn skills to manage intense emotions, tolerate distress, reduce self-harm and impulsive behaviours, and improve relationships. Other evidence-based therapies for BPD include mentalisation-based therapy (MBT), schema therapy, and others, which help people understand their emotions and patterns and develop healthier ways of coping and relating. These therapies directly address the difficulties underlying BPD behaviour, giving people practical tools and understanding.
Medication is not a specific cure for BPD but may be used to help with particular symptoms or with co-occurring conditions such as depression, anxiety, or others, which are common. Treating co-occurring conditions, including substance use disorders (which often accompany BPD, partly because substances may be used to cope with emotional pain), is an important part of care. Support for the person and their loved ones, crisis support for times of acute distress or suicidality, and a consistent, compassionate, validating approach all aid recovery. Because self-harm and suicidal thoughts are common in BPD and are serious, it is vital that these are always taken seriously and that help is available at times of crisis. The key messages are that examples of BPD behaviour, such as emotional instability, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, impulsivity, self-harm, and intense anger, are expressions of genuine emotional pain and difficulty regulating powerful feelings, not chosen manipulation, that BPD arises from a mix of genetic, biological, and environmental factors, and that it is treatable, especially with specialised psychotherapies like DBT, so that recovery is genuinely possible. If you or someone you know may have BPD, seeking help is a worthwhile and hopeful step.
Summary
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterised by intense and unstable emotions, an unstable sense of self, and difficulties in relationships, often driven by a deep fear of abandonment. Common examples of BPD behaviour include intense and rapidly shifting emotions and mood swings; frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment; unstable, intense relationships that swing between idealising and devaluing someone (splitting or black-and-white thinking); impulsive and sometimes risky behaviours (such as reckless spending, substance use, unsafe sex, or binge eating); self-harm and suicidal thoughts or behaviours; a persistently unstable self-image; chronic feelings of emptiness; intense, hard-to-control anger; and, at times of stress, feeling disconnected from reality or from oneself. These behaviours are not manipulative or attention-seeking by choice; they are expressions of genuine emotional pain and difficulty regulating overwhelming feelings, often rooted in past experiences. BPD is treatable, particularly with specialised psychotherapies such as dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), and many people improve significantly. If you or someone you know may have BPD, help is available and recovery is possible.
As Dr. Ponlawat Pitsuwan, addiction medicine specialist at Phuket Island Rehab, puts it, “When people describe BPD behaviours, the mood swings, the stormy relationships, the self-harm, the terror of being abandoned, they often use words like dramatic or manipulative, and that breaks my heart, because it misses the truth entirely. These are people who feel emotions at a volume most of us never experience, with far less ability to turn the volume down, and the behaviours are desperate attempts to cope with pain that is genuinely overwhelming. Self-harm is not manipulation; it is agony. The wonderful thing is that BPD is one of the more treatable conditions I work with. Therapies like DBT teach real, practical skills, and people get dramatically better. If this is you or someone you love, there is real hope.”
Frequently asked questions
What are examples of BPD behaviour?
Common examples of BPD behaviour include intense and rapidly shifting emotions and mood swings, sometimes changing within hours; frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as clinging to people or reacting strongly to perceived rejection; unstable, intense relationships that swing between idealising someone (seeing them as perfect) and devaluing them (seeing them as bad), sometimes called splitting or black-and-white thinking; impulsive and sometimes risky behaviours, such as reckless spending, substance use, unsafe sex, reckless driving, or binge eating, often as a way of coping with intense feelings; self-harm and suicidal thoughts or behaviours, which are serious expressions of distress; a persistently unstable self-image or sense of identity; chronic feelings of emptiness; intense, inappropriate, or hard-to-control anger; and, at times of stress, feeling disconnected from reality or from oneself. Not everyone with BPD shows all of these, and their intensity varies. Importantly, these behaviours are not chosen manipulation or attention-seeking; they are expressions of genuine emotional pain and difficulty regulating overwhelming feelings. Understanding them with compassion, rather than judgement, is important, and BPD is treatable.
Why do people with BPD act the way they do?
People with BPD behave as they do because of the underlying difficulties of the condition, particularly intense, poorly regulated emotions, a deep fear of abandonment, and a fragile, unstable sense of self. People with BPD tend to feel emotions much more strongly, reach emotional peaks more quickly, and take longer to calm down than others, so everyday events can provoke overwhelming feelings. Much of their behaviour is an attempt to cope with, express, or escape these overwhelming emotions; impulsive behaviours, self-harm, and substance use, for example, can be desperate ways of trying to relieve unbearable emotional pain, even though they cause harm. The intense relationships, sensitivity to rejection, and frantic efforts to avoid abandonment stem from the fear of abandonment and the fragile sense of self, and splitting (seeing people as all good or all bad) reflects difficulty holding together mixed feelings. It is essential to understand that this behaviour is not manipulative or deliberately difficult; it reflects genuine suffering and a struggle to cope. People with BPD are often in great pain. Understanding this fosters compassion and points towards effective, understanding treatment rather than blame, and BPD responds well to specialised therapy.
Is BPD behaviour manipulative?
No, BPD behaviour is not manipulative in the way this word is often used, and describing it as manipulative or attention-seeking is a harmful and stigmatising misconception. The behaviours associated with BPD, such as reacting strongly to perceived abandonment, intense relationships, self-harm, or emotional outbursts, are expressions of genuine and often overwhelming emotional pain and of difficulty regulating powerful feelings, not calculated attempts to manipulate or gain attention. For example, self-harm in BPD is usually a way of coping with unbearable emotional distress, not a means of manipulating others, and a strong reaction to a perceived rejection reflects a real and painful fear of abandonment, not a ploy. People with BPD are typically suffering intensely, and their behaviours are attempts to cope with or communicate that suffering. Labelling these behaviours as manipulative adds shame and stigma, damages relationships, and can prevent people from getting the understanding and help they need. Approaching BPD behaviour with compassion, understanding that it comes from genuine pain, is both more accurate and more helpful. BPD is a treatable condition, and understanding rather than blame supports recovery. If someone with BPD is struggling, they deserve support, not judgement.
What is splitting in BPD?
Splitting, sometimes called black-and-white or all-or-nothing thinking, is a common feature of BPD in which a person has difficulty holding together mixed or ambivalent feelings about someone (or something), and instead sees them as either all good or all bad, often switching between these views. For example, a person with BPD might idealise someone, seeing them as wonderful, perfect, and a source of security, and then, after a perceived slight, rejection, or disappointment, suddenly devalue them, seeing them as bad, hurtful, or worthless. These shifts can happen quickly and can be confusing and painful for both the person with BPD and those around them, contributing to the unstable, intense relationships characteristic of the condition. Splitting reflects the underlying difficulty in BPD with regulating emotions and with tolerating the complexity and uncertainty of relationships, where people are neither all good nor all bad. It is not deliberate; it is a way the mind copes with intense feelings and a fragile sense of self. Understanding splitting helps make sense of the sometimes bewildering shifts in how a person with BPD relates to others. Therapies for BPD, such as DBT and mentalisation-based therapy, help people develop the ability to hold more balanced, integrated views and to manage their emotions, reducing splitting over time.
How is BPD treated?
BPD is treatable, and the main treatment is psychotherapy, with several specialised therapies developed specifically for it. Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) is one of the best-known and most effective, helping people learn skills to manage intense emotions, tolerate distress, reduce self-harm and impulsive behaviours, and improve relationships. Other evidence-based therapies include mentalisation-based therapy (MBT), schema therapy, and others, which help people understand their emotions and patterns and develop healthier ways of coping and relating. These therapies directly address the difficulties underlying BPD behaviour. Medication is not a specific cure but may help with particular symptoms or co-occurring conditions such as depression or anxiety, which are common. Treating co-occurring conditions, including substance use disorders that often accompany BPD, is an important part of care. Support for the person and their loved ones, crisis support for times of acute distress or suicidality, and a consistent, compassionate, validating approach all aid recovery. The encouraging message is that with the right help, many people with BPD improve significantly over time and go on to lead fulfilling lives. If you or someone you know may have BPD, seeking help from a mental health professional is a worthwhile and hopeful step, because recovery is genuinely possible.
Can people with BPD get better?
Yes, people with BPD can and often do get better, which is one of the most important and hopeful facts about the condition. Although BPD can be very distressing and its behaviours challenging, research and clinical experience show that with appropriate treatment, and often even over time, many people with BPD experience significant improvement, with their intense emotions becoming more manageable, their difficult behaviours reducing, and their relationships and quality of life improving; many go on to lead fulfilling lives, and a substantial proportion no longer meet the criteria for the diagnosis after some years, especially with treatment. The main help is specialised psychotherapy, such as dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and other evidence-based approaches, which teach practical skills for managing emotions, reducing self-harm and impulsivity, and improving relationships. Treating co-occurring conditions, such as depression, anxiety, or substance use, also helps. Recovery may take time and involve ups and downs, and ongoing support can be valuable, but meaningful improvement is very achievable. This hopeful outlook is important to hold onto, both for people with BPD and for their loved ones. If BPD is affecting someone’s life, seeking help is worthwhile, because recovery is genuinely possible and support is available.
Sources
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Borderline Personality Disorder. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder
National Health Service (NHS). Borderline Personality Disorder. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/
National Library of Medicine (MedlinePlus). Borderline Personality Disorder. https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000935.htm
American Psychiatric Association (APA). What Are Personality Disorders? https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/personality-disorders
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Borderline Personality Disorder. https://www.nami.org/
World Health Organization (WHO). Mental Disorders. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-disorders
Examples of BPD behavior — key entities and related terms
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